One Way to Counter Abuse

In my day-to-day life as a single mom, I was so afraid to talk to my daughter about anything related to abuse. I didn’t want to say anything against her dad, or tell her that he was wrong.

I was so afraid of being vilified in court for badmouthing him. (We all know how unfair the court system is regarding this.) And my ex was threatening to take me to court and say that I was turning our daughter against him.

There are many valid reasons we’re afraid to talk to our kids about the abuse they encounter at their dad’s house.

My daughter would come home and have an entire report of things he said. “Daddy doesn’t like when you do this, he doesn’t like your friend. He made me feel bad when I didn’t want to eat the food he made. He told me I was wrong for not finishing it.”

A mom’s typical reaction to a report like this is to reassure our kids that there is nothing wrong with them. They didn’t do anything wrong, and it’s not their job to worry about what he likes.

We’re trying to build our kids up and counter what he’s saying about them and us.

But think about times when you’ve talked with other people about some of the post-separation abuse you’ve experienced. Well-meaning friends try to reassure you that you’re a good mom, you’re doing everything you can for your kids, you’ve…