Decide and Declare

I spent 24 years in a relationship with a narcissistic sociopath. Twenty-four years of brainwashing, degrading, demeaning my self esteem and self worth. I was stripped of all my strengths to the point of becoming a shell of who I was before. Can you relate?

Not only did I get out of an abusive marriage, but some time later I was also awarded sole custody and a protective order that has catapulted my freedom and my daughters freedom. And I believe that I had a part in bringing about this victory.

When I left the first time (it took two tries before leaving for good), I was so stressed that I barely weighed anything. I was scared and shaking and with the help of a friend, I left while he was at work.

Then my pendulum swung the other way. I now had some measure of freedom and I felt it fiercely. I was angry (justifiably) and intensely reactive to anything he would do to me or my daughter.

When I left for the final time, I was swayed by anything he would do. He would be nice one day and I’d get excited. He’d be nasty the next day and I would be furious. It was like being in a storm on the ocean, being rocked by the emotional chaos he brought with him wherever he went.

At that time I relied on hopes and prayers to make things happen. I hoped he would do the right thing, I hoped court would go well. I wished my…